2 good days in a row?

so keith, ive been in a good mood...

:) yeah tuesday and wednesday (today) were pretty fly. tuesdays reason was stupid but wednesday i just hung oout with katie, went to school had a normal day but it was just better--prolly case it was sunny jk. i even bombed my poetry presentation (i had to memorize a poem, analyze it and such in front of the class... and i totally forgot everything.)



so my mom is kicking me off the computer--and this was gonna be a good one. well at least she wont read my thoughts like she did last time.. her loss:)

watch out for that freakkkkkkkkkkkkk

OOK,


happy thanksgiving!! i just went to my aunts in delaware, by c-bus. it was kinda queer cause some people we didnt know were there... but it was nice seein the family again.

just so you know i am typing this without looking at the keybourd, and i dont know how to spell. so its taking me awhile

well i went shizopping friday, it was fun with my gma. i got some boots jeans and shirts, cute ones.

i need to make more friends, i swear. i dont have any :) well i have some you know, but i need more.

i also need to learn how to love people. that s one reason i cant sleep at night'









well i got a job... lol kinda. i clean a lot and i get paid for it. how cool. i always need money, so now i can pay people back ** mike** :) i guess i owe him 4 dollas. it was 3 but he raised the price. oh whatever, he bought me taco bell so we re even.

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nothing new, just little stupid details

as the title says, nothing important really just little things that i have been thinking about. So here it is:
Son las once menos veinte, tengo media. (translated: "it is 10:40, i have a half hour.")

UNO:
Journalism two might be harder for me. im so pumped but im probably gonna get there and not know what to do at all! i dont know when the deadlines are, who to turn it into, im gonna look like a freakin idiot. but i cannot wait to go, they seem so close and i want to make more friends outside of Word. :)
DOS:
boys are stupid (well the ones i know.) they are mean, cocky, (stuck-up wayy too confident), try too hard and dont care... abd that would be a turn-off for me. whatever, i just want to meet some new ones so we could make the word scene interesting ... lol jk that sounds weird.
TRES:
im not gonna get married. not that i dont want to... its just that i wont find anyone. im totally would not be a good girlfriend or wife. im probably not gonna live that long.. then i wont have to deal with that stuff! lol. i will probably have a panick attack or something :)
CUATRO:
i had a talk with my dad in the car. a 'talk.' see the thing is... i have been lashing out at him a lot lately, him and mom, just getting mad and not able to talk-over THE STUPIDEST REASONS TOO. and i look back and im like what the fuck, why did i just do that?? So i think he mentioned something that triggered somethin in my small brain- i get mad because i dont get what i want and think i deserve it.. then later sean was reading this stupid libra thing (which is me) and it says you think life isnt fair.. And dar was like thats totally you! so i just opened my eyes. and now the hard part, goig to tell dad sorry and he was right...
but andie gave me a good tip, when i get mad just think WHY am i reacting to this question or comment like this? is it really that big of a deal?
so im gonna try to get into my word more...
CINCO:
i didnt think me and andie would work out too good, like adi and dianna. but of course we havent known eachother longer and she isnt a fleg and she talks a lot and... ect. :) but so from recent talks i feel so much closer. especially since she is like, oh dont worry i wont tell your parents. and she has told me about her life in HS and how messed up she was and tells me stuff and i tell her my embaracing stuff... its great to have someone to talk to that you respect and look up to-but isnt your parent, ya know?? like she is one of my great friends!!
SEIS:
Once upon a time there was this girl. she thought a boy was cute. ahe wanted to catch his attention and speak to him in person and not just online... speakin of embarrasin stuff. no one probably made it this far so what the heck i'll just say it :) you can guess-but its not four. and this guy-i do not like- if i can make it any clearer, message to all: I DID NOT LIKE 4, OKAY? I DID NOT STALK HIM, I JUST TALKED TO HIM ONLINE AND THOUGHT HE WAS HOT. YOU TELL ME YOU DONT WALK DOWN THE HALLS AND THINK OH THAT GIRL/GUY WAS HOT, YOUR A FAG OR A LIAR. SO THATS ALL OKAY?- anyways. this guy if like fuckin 6 1/2 feet tall-thats hot- hes blond-;)- and in journalism. well i have only talked to him online too but some times i see him in the hall. WHY AM I EVEN TALKIN BOUT THIS? SO YOU WOULD SHUT UP ABOUT 4. though he will always be hot- i wish everyone would just stop...
SIETE:
grades... so im basically not doing too good. oh well...


so yeah nothin up really... but i will keep you informed. Son las once menos tres. (it is 10:57)
throw ya hood up, hasta luego, buenos noches, hasta lavista, choi....

ehh i got bored of it so i quit

everyones dream... or nightmare
beginning of VERYYY short story:

PART ONE- drawing the curtains
I'm Cassy, 16, tall blonde and beautiful... people see me as care-free and perfect life. i dont do anything wrong and i have the most beautiful friends.
yeah right
When people see me as perfect... they dont know how wrong they really are. I have a lot of secrets for my time, most of them a little scary. My life goes by like a dream... or a nightmare. It seems i am not in comtrol, well maybe thats because of one f my bad habits. we'll find out in the end. In algebra 5th period, i dont know what we are learning about. I dont day dream or anything. I'm not even in school im at my friends house who lives by the high school-snorting cocaine. I dont know what to do during the day or maybe i dont know what i am doing. But i do know at night i party. and get drunk. I think there has to be more than just this. but i dont know what to do. i have a lot of friends, i do. they arent all into eachother though. so i keep them a secret from eachother. i keep my wierder friends away from my jocks and preps you know-the party people. Its just that i dont even like some of those weirder friends. they all stivk with one group but at the same time are over friendly with people they dont know. i didnt choose to be friends with them either. they are from my church. yeah i know i am ohh soo religious. but i just dont like them interfering with my life, my real life.

PART TWO-the day
"i know people party but every night?" shit i fell asleep again. the whispers and gossip again. the F on my desk again. first period again. school again.
"can i go to the restroom?" i mumbled as the teacher walked past
quick as a flash i was walking down the hallway again.
as soon as i entered the bathroom i checked the stalls to make sure no one was in there, closed the door, and propped a trash can beneath the doorknob so no one could get in.
i looked in the mirror and took a breath, turned to go into my stall and pulled my hair back.

your throut burning isnt the worst part-the taste is. it just makes you want to hack up more. and once you out, wash your hands and face and you feel lighter than air.
i rummaged through my purse for the joint my friend gave me and with no luck, dropped my bag and began to weep.
i woke and realized i was leaning against the bathroom wall-only 5 minutes had passed... oh good.
Why did i just throw up? When? What ever happened to that joint? i didnt want it. i didnt want that taste in my mouth. It was just a flow, a sudden impulse. im so used to doing it my body just behaved naturally.
and i realized i had passed out from no food in my body.
thats what the granola bar is for.
i pulled away the matted hair-drool mixture and dug though my purse again. shoving the little delight in my mouth as i got up and looked in the mirror again.
You know i was looking a little skiniier than last week, im on a role.
Time to go so i flipped my hair back, fluffed it a little, put the trash can back and walked out the door---lie my life is everything i want and more.

As i shut the classroom door behind me, my teach decided to pipe in.
"What took you so long Seniorita Lynn?"
With a litle innocent side-smile i said "Did some lines of cocaine drunk some beer and took a nap, sorry."
She obviousely didnt know what to say but the class got a wave of laughter at that one.
"Go to the office at once Cassy"
"Oh no i was just joking, i had some.. er.. problems..."
She seemed to look embarrased for even asking and at that she said sorry as the class was giglling behind her.
She seemed to end the notes at that

I sat next to Peyton and she handed me a joint.
"you seemed to drop this on your way out"
i turned to her "Oh your a life-saver."
i looked up and there was a girl staring but she quickly looked down.
"So," continued Peyton, flipping back her hair, making the boys behind us smile, "there is this gathering at the river tonight, you in?"
Peyton was said to be more popular than i because of her bigger boobs as more.. ehh... openess with the rest of the world.
"Gathering? You mean party dont you?"
"Whatever.."
"Who is throwing it?"
"Well there is Luke, Max, and Tim who are spreading the word. You know im in when Luke is involved... and of course you can have Max or whoever..."
Another problem i have. Seeing as though Peyton, my best friend, is totally in love with this guy lucas that i have been 'hanging out' with, i do not think im a very good friend.

wAkE mE

when you read this, go to http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=35471600(sleep everyone by powerspace) is a great soundtrack to this...

With so little sleep At least you'd think I'd find some peace in my dreams In my dreams But my mind still winds up on the same thing The same scene The same themes. Cause it's all stuck in my subconscious Built up from every day. So I'm stuck with these nightmares, Where you're gone and so far away... And when I wake up I realize that everything's still wrong; I'm still here and you're still gone; It's not fair Cause either way I spin it Separation seems so wrong. These breaks are far too long for me... Hours and hours I'm stuck inside this place and this town.
And you're gone.
Far away, you're fighting for your life all alone I want to wake up and go home
Cause it's all stuck in my subconscious Built up from every day So I'm stuck with these nightmares where you're gone and far away.
Oh, this tortures me so much that I get sick and I throw up In my dream and here on my bed It's messed up how it's all in my head;;; Yet it's affecting me oh so bad I guess this distance just makes me sick...
Cause when I wake up It's 4 AM and I'm still all alone, Your message on my phone- Don't tell me that sleeping through the night Is never this hard-when you're home Cause I already know ...
cause it's all stuck in my subconscious Built up from every day...


wake me...
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just so you know... that is now my favorite song. doesn't it totally describe how you feel? i daydream A LOT and when i wake up i realize nothing like that is ever going to happen. It is like, if i even think about it, that possibility is gone. its just never going to happen to me. Like you are waiting at American Eagle with a card that could be worth 500, 25, 10, or 5 dollars and your like if i get 500 i would cry! then of course you dont get 500, you get zero. Or like you think about a boy and your like, i could see us together but when you get to school, he just passes you by without a glance and your like.. oh my life sucks.

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The most fabulous day- was today with katielouise and jocelynrenee; two of the best people ever. the only one missing was reggyyy! well we did go shizzoppin and we had a ball. well first we went into abercrombie & fitch and i love it how we walk in, test the perfume, and just sit there talking... adter a couple minutes we realize we are just standing there and say we arent going to buy anything and walk out. then we go to pacsun try on the shoes then sit on the bench, and j-booty kept shoving her ass on us :) LOL. This weird disney store was next-jocelyn's favorite. Then we go to hollister-my new favorite smell-and we each got something. the alarom went off when katie was contemplating on wether or not to buy some shorts, so i turn around and am like KATIE?!? and jocelyn is like SHE COULDNT AFFORD THE SHORTS!! but then she walks up and we start crackin up like a hard boiled egg!!! a BLAST
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KTG came to word! and it was fabulous even though she had to leave early. funny story, we were just sitting at a round table and jordan comes up and sits down and we start talking-all 3 of us. it was cool and in the end he found i suck at spanish-failed his little test- and i have not been turning in my HW but i STILL have an A in that class, he was surprised :). he also made the bball team and he's like are you gonna come to our games. and im all who made it? and hes all hmm rory and- and thats when im all OK. LOL. im stupid.
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So all in all... i had a great time saturday-november 3rd- without b, mike, and kyle and whoever else went to cbus; here. P.S. MIKE SAID HE WOULD CALL AND TELL ME HOW COLUMBUS IS.. I really hope a couple of things for my future... A) me and jordan can make a kick-ass team B)Katie will start comming regularly. C) reggy will some 2 Word too. D) i can make some more freakin funky friends. E) basketball team will be settled and Teal Titans will rule once again F)4.. always hope :D

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MORE TO COME... questions comments? call me 330-285-2277, i like getting calls. you would make my day, unless someone else does before you...

AYYEHMM IZZOUTT