elli jelly

your choice: pics or poems, tragic or depressing

2008-03-29T10:53:00.007-04:00

when you look at me,

what do you see?

scared quiet and shy

could that really be me?

when you look at her,

what do you see?

bubbly, talkative, friendly

could that really be she?

so why cant i be like she?

everyone tells me just to be me.

me isnt good enough compared to she

now that i dont care about she

how much i try, i can never be me

......

I come home to an open door

those flashing lights are oh so invisible

why cant you just let me have more

I let you tell me what to do

thinking for myself gets me nowhere

no use, your words are so true

following this map in my head

going circlesaround the same room

i will soon be dead

trying, i just cant stop

tell me i just cant love

say the words to make me drop

something always leads me to you

reading, writing, talking

thing is you love me too

its with you i dont have to be scared

always loving people doesnt work

other's P.O.V. the feelings werent shared

so as i come crawling back

im praying for a heart attack

at night u leave those lights on to shine

that open door saves me everytime

.....

The beat of war reigns onCan you hear the sound of marching drums?Bullets fill the skyMen kill to show their nation's prideThe smell of death and bloodHold memories of your loved ones close,Find hope in pain, my friend,Brothers in arms until the end.Slumber sweet with dreams of home,Hand in hand, don't march alone.We've got a thirst for your bloodIt's pumping through our veinsWait till the moment's right,Show no mercy[x2]What do we have to fear?Lock stock let's blow them all awayThen hide yourself in sleepHopeful they'll take you in the night,Eyes bloodshot red and straining,You'll see the ghost inside their eyesA country left in tearsWatching their flag burn and die.Slumber sweet with dreams of home,Hand in hand, don't march alone.We've got a thirst for your bloodIt's pumping through our veinsWait till the moment's right,Show no mercy[x2]Dreams of homeWe've got a thirst for your blood(We've got a thirst for your blood)Wait till the moment's right,Show no mercyWe've got a thirst for your bloodIt's pumping through our veinsWait till the moment's right,Show no mercy[x2]

**********all pictures words are song lyrics by bethany joy galleotti or a change of pace*******

love my cat

2008-03-12T20:32:00.003-04:00

"oh his misfortunes have been very great indeed." Mr. Darcy

hey yo you. havent been here for while foo.
Well this past week, though dragging on to what may be eternity, has been very awesome!
so i had the chance to read pride and prejudice before my highschool life began. thats where all the quotes are comming from.
"you arrogence conceit and selfish distain made me realize you were the last man on earth i would ever be prevailed upon to marry." Eliza Bennet (from memory)
Elizabeth bennet, what an awseom character she is. soo tribal. filled with concern for only people she cares for... yet shes got so many guys trippin over her. I admire her for her intelligence, natural common sense, individuality (at the time), ability to make any situation humorous yet she knows when to be serious and is perfectly rational, unlike her 2 sisters and mother. too bad she is a fictional character because she would be on individual that i hold in high respect for :D.
BACK TO MY WEEK :)
after that hour or so of Pride & Prejudice in my Jane Austen corner, monday school loomed around the corner (actually five and a half hours later.) Monday... what can i say? Mondays are bad. i was tired and fell asleep more than once. I got some compliments such as oh well you look cute today and let's bang... taht put some spark into it for a minute or two. Monday i DIDNT finish my story OR do my algebra NOR did i sprint during track do to my retard leg. Not too many positive things listed but i still felt SUPERB cause tha painter left, track made me feel awesome, cell was sweeeeeet and indre's teaching was sweeet which caused my very sluggish return to mi casa. I went to bed thinking i would get right to sleep when as soon as i shut my eyes at 12:46, they opened at 3:52--my normal time-- and closed only to be renched open by an obnoxious alam clock at 6:28. after pressing th sleep button a couple times, i realized it was seven and assumed i would be late to school. running to school i got therr on time. watched a haulocast movie, fell asleep, went through my day until you know kyle yelled at me in 8/9 journalism 2. Went on, late to algebra for th 48th time this year and headed out to the field hous with hilary. a certain blonde haired boy was behind us but hilary wouldnt let up so i just kept going on to my doom as a distance runner. poop. 3 hours later i came back, felt great! passed out, cell group, shower, passed out.
TUESDAY... ugh i hate tuesdays more than any day. its when you are stuck between monday and the middle of the week. slept in periods 1 and 2. 3rd period jurmanovich spanish is a bitch. zombied through 4/5 art, jon being an ass. participated in science, interviewed Stefi 8/9 her lunch & j2. skipped luch to write. only wrote 2 sentences. algebra is a fuck. someone broke a racket in gym so we didnt do anything the (dun dun dun) TRACK. 20 minute run OUT through NEIGHBORHOODS and STREETS to get LOST, the 20 minutes back! that was gay so i go home 3 hours lata and sleep to wake up at 7"30 and write a story on CHEERLEADING in half an hour till prayer. prayer was funn. though kyle ripped and burned my 30 minute paper then giving it a B. it was good! puss. jk.
AHH wednesday...woke up late for the 3rd time this week, lateeeee to first period...6/7 i got a cut slip but they didnt do anything. j2 handed my story in, final 1, then handed final 2 in so hopefully i can do my page tomarrow!! LUNCH was kinda cool cause i talked to gina more and i didnt feel like she was annoyed by me. here sister is funny... anyway, i went to track to SPRINT and what a workout that is! i felt so tired and so AWESOME! all the other girls were like dead but me, i was pumped.. well till we did the form workouts, ran, more form, ran, form, ran, form and stretched. 3 hours later, i went bra shopping w/ sister mom. it was quite humorous. got home at 7. ate hw, sposed to meet w/ andie at 8 wanted to get back at 9 30 but shes here at 9... damnit, im gonna be tired again.
AT LEAST I DONT HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL FRIDDAYY! thankyou Lorrrdddd.
though i prolly eont get my page done by then :/
just gonna have to skip algebra :D

yayyyyyy.
fun week, though i hardly read bold love or my bible and didnt clean my room much for me mama.
but LORD PLEASE O PLEASE LET THERE B 80 DEGREE WEATHER IN FL. AND KEEP LAUREN COURT AND STEFI INtERESANTE OVER BREAK :).

love my cat

*vital to read in an english accent

2008-02-28T22:54:00.004-05:00

Some thing people may not know about me is my love of Jane Austen, Keira Knightley, movies and England. Recent obsessions they may be but curious as they are. Three of my favorite movies are those either involved with Jane Austen, Keira knightley, England and depression. Here is a brief overview... (in order from which i loved to those i liked.)

Pride and Prejudice.
Young Women in the 1700s and 1800s--any women actually--were rather intrigued with marriage. Intrigued is a word that falls short of their obsession. Marriage to them was their whole life. What would they do when their parents died? become a seamstress? Who on earth would marry a seamstress? One young Lizzy was not of that sort. Of course she was interested but becoming obsessed like her sisters was out of the question. Lizzy delved into her father's books and into her sisters romantic life. Oh yes she admired men and even had hopes for one but that young sir was a great dissapointment. Lizzy's stubborness was great but her pride was the only thing stopping her from an easily happy marriage. Watching her sister falling in love had given her hope only to find Jane's heart exposed to the worlds bitterness. All the while she refused an offer from a most out of the ordinary cousin, delt with her other sister's immaturity, watched as Jane set out to London to find her love, went to visit a friend who accepted the odd cousin only to refuse Darcy, who has, in her opinion, a great pride when really, it was her pride and his prejudice. After one of the younger sisters sets out to make the whole family a tragedy by intensive flirting, the story takes a turn when lizzy goes with her aunt and uncle only to find their carriage break in front of Darcy's home. After an awkwardly pleasant trip to his home with her aunt and uncle, she returns home concerned about that younger sibling who ran away with her first love and Lizzy had own news of a love that she would like to keep as a secret. Finding about the younger's engagement, she finds Darcy helped with the wedding and that Jane's love returned to their town. Jane accepts his proposal. To finish the story, Dary's evil aunt sets Lizzy off and a morning spent outside leads to an engagement with the rich and charming Mr. Darcy. A truly hapy ending that i have to see over and over. The movie doesnt show Lizzy's emotion as well as the book which is where her thoughts and judgments fill the pages.

Atonement.
It may be something in the peaceful forests of Britain or just the characters mysterious ways that makes one fall so much in love with the picture forming while the film rolls on. Pleasantly frustrating, as he tries to get in, you know she has feelings for him. Bitter they may be, but feelings none the less. Yet when everything seems to come together, it just takes a turn with a small little problem. That problem lies and assumes. The assumptions then lead to misery from both ends of the love stricken couple. Seeing as though that little problem could not live with herself, she had them see eachother once more before there lives pass. As the story continues one comes aware that the lovely couple never has a chance to see one another ever again as they both parish within the same year. The novel and picture are of the depressing sort and one feels strangely hurt and depressed after watching and reading Atonement.

Becoming Jane
Jane Austen is my favorite writer without a doubt. She livved to age forty one and started her works at age twenty one. Without marriage, she wrote only of her own experiences. The movie tells the story of two different people coming together and tearing away. Austen live din the country, Lefroy lived in London. Austen wrote (in private which the movie did NOT address) Lefroy was a lawyer who was supported by his uncle. Lefroy was forced to livewith his relatives in the country where he met Austen. Their introduction wasnt so pleasent. They argued a lot as Lefory thought her a joke and she thought him.. pompous. He quickly bgan to flirt and it took her some time as to get over her pride and see him as the one she loved. The next day he left. They met eachother again, traveling. He went to ask his uncle for permission to marry her and he said no. When they didnt know what to do Lefroy decided to side with his Uncle (seeing as though he supported Lefroy.) Jane of course left living in sorrow and pitty but making it. When he showed up the next time, he was engaged and she was too (she did not want anything to do with her man but rudely accepted.) Lefroy asked her to run away with him. she said yes. She realized he had to support many mnay mnay siblings back in Ireland and left him, of ocurse she was still in love. Lefroy married and later named one of his daughters Jane (which may just be the cutest thing ive ever heard even if it didnt happen and it was just in the movie.) They saw eachother when Jane had published her five novels and Jane Lefroy was excited to meet her. Austen then did a reading (upon Jane's request) and of course Lefroy couldnt help but smile as he saw her again. (they added a cute ending but her love life was very sad indeed.)

“I think every girl is looking for her Mr Darcy.” Keira Knightley
How interesting the life of Jane Austen is even though her days were long and boring giving her pleanty of time to think. What i would give to live in England in that time period with balls and ribbons as a huge ordeal.
"A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment." Jane Austen

poem

2008-01-30T00:52:00.000-05:00

Cut my heart out to give to you

Stole it back when i knew our love wasnt true

Had i not burried it away,

I wouldve given it to you today

1/14/08

Things happen when those people leave

A piece of you has walked away

A part of you changes to fill it up

And when they come back

There just isnt any room anymore...

1/29/08

Who i was HATES who ive been... or is it opposite?

2008-01-04T01:18:00.000-05:00

"I watched the proverbial sunrise

Coming up over the Pacific and

You might think I'm losing my mind,

But I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am

'cause then you'll see my heart

In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.

See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.

Stop right there. Well I never should have said

That it's the very moment that

I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.

I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.

I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again

'cause who I am hates who I've been.

Who I am hates who I've been."

who i am hates who ive been by relient k

One thing i love is jus to stare and think. I swim among the thoughts in my head not knowing what to do with my life but think, analyze people, make things harder for people, and focus on how negative my life is as a fifteen year old highschool student making my way through this pit we call life with a dimly lit candle and those thoughts swirling in my head. I have my leader, but sometimes my candle grows dim (such as now) and i do not know what to do and try to find my way myself. I step on some thorns and next thing you know i am face down and bloody, but still entwined in the numb fingers is the light picking me up and pulling me away and warming my heart yet again.

Nobody really cares about what i have to say, lets face it: like me and everyone else in this world anyone who would see this would get bored by now and go to their own little world. Tell you the truth i am not saddened by tha fact. I dont know how to say this without sounding like i think im not selfish. Honestly i am one of the most selfish people you may ever meet. Its about how selfish i am not to care i guess.. maybe. what im trying to say is, i really DO care about what people say. sometimes it is like sitting for hours with a 400 watt lamp shining in your eyes and people all around yelling their own problems over the others and just trying to be heard and waiting for someone to help and someone to care. I like to listen and people dont get that i like listening and making people laugh more than i like talking about me and how i feel--exept in writing as you see here. even when i say 'i dont care' i do. i care about everything and it bugs me. i wish i was one of those people who couldnt care less about anything in life, and the sad thing is, i TRY to be one of those people. i pretend not to care about my grades, about what people think of me, about sstupid peoples problems... but i do and i dont like it.

So your probably wondering why i dont like to talk about my feelings (or not.) its a simple concept really: usually when i express myself, i get shot down yelled at rejected laughed at and/or (and most common) people telling me that that is so stupid for you to feel that way or think that way and your not even supposed to think/feel that way.

"heartbreak baby is half the fun, you bring the bullets i'll bring the guns. take ten steps then turn and draw i shoot from the hip & watch you fall..." Shoot from the Hip by A Change Of Pace. Good song. i dont think ive ever had my heart broken, just my dreams slashed. When you get really pumped, everything is going fine and when you turn around, its as if you welcomed a bullet in your heart with open arms. ive experienced this a lot, quite frequently actually. Like when mallory and bianka left. I loved them, i really did. No matter how angry or jealous i got, i would always love them and will always love them. Or alex when he left. ok so me liking that little bitch had something to do with it, but i was so sad when he didnt come around. He was really fun and a good friend, but when he left, something left with him. Sam brown leaving too was a big one, not only because she left, but the reason why. i thought she was so into it but then stabbing it in the back was heart wrenching. one of the most resent is Lauren Shermer<3

Lauren Shermer is one unique individual. She is pretty, smart, independent, and very creative. She was one of my best friends and someone i looked up to. She was a leader and led in the right direction-moat of the time. She left Xenos around when Sam left. There was a big part of me that left with her. Her original-ness kept me different. I liked not caring. When she left, others started to leave and i had to make new friends. So i changed A LOT. Now me when she left, it felt like i abandoned her. That is the worst news i can possibly hear from someone. Someone telling me that i dont care about them anymore, that they dont feel loved!?! how terrible of a person am i to make her feel that way.

Well all in all, youd think i was depressed cause i said all this. i may be but am not. you will never know. i just am not right now because i choose to be happy. I like being happy. This is just the way i think, so dont think i am sad.

(except about Lauren.)

STUFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

2008-01-04T00:54:00.000-05:00

^that would be my collage of awesomeness!!!!!!!!! awesome!
^Brooke Davis in One tree hill feels alone..... yeah

^two different song lyrics on therr. peyton in the dress (from one tree hill) as u may realize, i draw tons while watching one tree hill..

^^^thats a quote from the character Brooke in the fabulouse tv show One Tree Hill. I thought it was an intense moment therrr.

^that is actually in a song sung by a girl on One Tree Hill, her first performance in front of people. Its called October by Haley James Scott or Bethany Joy Galleotti.

:D ANDIE MCPFIZZLE
i dont think anyone knows how much i love and appreciate Andie Mcphee. (Even though i am guessin on the last name spelling.)
She is my deciple-er and friend
She teaches me and includes me
She leads me and i like to follow
I am honest around her and she doesnt laugh
She asks me deep questions while really caring
She understands my answers even when they r confusing
i dont understand myself yet she finds something to my feelings
and teaches me how God wants me to be
and i dont know how to thank theeeeeee andie mcpheeeeee :]

truthfully i have grown so close to andie. she probably knows the most about me other than A-dawg(asta.) and we are so similar so she reaaaaaaaaallly helps me and i can relate to her and she to me. i feel as though i am struggling in my walk w/ the Lord but she is really helping. I dont know if she knows but the Lord is working through her greatly. I just feel as though i can trust her cause i tell her lotsa shiiit bout me but she also tells me stuff about her life and her struggles loving people and what she has done. Well thank you Andie. And thank you Lord for Andie.

"There is nothing you could do that me and Nicole have already done. learn from our mistakes."Mcphizzle
"Well i haven't gotten pregnant."Wonder
"Oh me neither."Mcphizzle

HAH--she was joking...then it just got funnierrrr :)))))

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I.dunno.just.skip...tis.gayyyyy

If you think you know me, you probably do not. Most people judge me thinking i love to be social and around people and i love to have people over and just gossip all through the night. Well first of all, i love being alone and in the state of mind that just lets me wallow in self pitty over the things i have or trying to make myselfbe a better person--you know just focusing on me. To gossip means nothing to me, a bunch of useless garbage people throw around about eachother beacause their lives are way too boring or out of a jealous rage. Have i ever gossiped before? Of course i am a blonde girl in highschool, what else to you expect me to do. Actually you cant escpape it, if you have friends, you hear it and if they ask you tell them because you do not want to dissapoint them... once again.
One thing i love is jus to stare and think. I swim among the thoughts in my head not knowing what to do with my life but think, analyze people, make things harder for people, and focus on how negative my life is as a fifteen year old highschool student making my way through this pit we call life with a dimly lit candle and those thoughts swirling in my head. I have my leader, but sometimes my candle grows dim (such as now) and i do not know what to do and try to find my way myself. I step on some thorns and next thing you know i am face down wih bloody, but still entwined in the numb fingers is the light picking me up and pulling me away and warming my heart yet again.
Nobody really cares about what i have to say, lets face it: like me and everyone else in this world anyone who would see this would get bored by now and go to their own little world. Tell you the truth i am not saddened by tha fact. I dont know how to say this without sounding like i think im not selfish. Honestly i am one of the most selfish people you may ever meet. Its about how selfish i am not to care i guess.. maybe. Well i dont feel like writing bout that anymore. im kinda happy and i dont want to ruin that.

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GOALS

Today in descipleship, one topic led to another and we ended up talking anout setting goals for relationships. And i decided to set some goals for people and when we were talking andie said they all sounded the same.. and i think that has a lot to do with me... Well i realized goals are very good and i think the ones we talked bout for me n friends are a pretty good start. Some deal with Asta and bffs then theres my parents and people like... well b. crazy huh? but i think it will help.

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WRITING & CAREERS

Before break in la clase de journalism, we were getting our editorials back from the editors. I was sitting near Chloe and this is very serious to her but what people do not understand is that i enjoy it too. i want to do good and i love it i swear i just do not think i am capable of writing.. anyways so i said something like mine sucked so i just tried to make it better so it sucked worse so i threw in a suckier ending and it sucked.. so i dunno...

and chloe went all WELL YOU BETTER TAKE THIS SERIOUSELY!... and shiznit and that blew me away because this is one thing in lifei have always taken seriousely. I went through my old journals earlier today and there were always updates on our chiurch or family, poems, stories, or songs filling the pages. i liked to write just little 'quotes' i called them that maybe i would get remembered for. one of my favorites was when i wanted to be a photographer or journalist or model.. (haha i know & totally off topic): To be a photographer, yu have to know how to make things lok good and how to make people want it by showing its real beauty.

Writing to me has always been one way of expressing myself. dont hold it against me if i think i suck. this is something i will always take seriousely [repeat] even if i dont have the skill or spelling knowledge its just something i like okay?

i guess what im saying is... i wish i could be a good writer, i swear i would do anything, but no matter what, i do something wrong and its never great its just okay. and i want it to be great. i may be good at poetry but its too soft and emo, so i want to be a good journalist. i want to be a great journalist. and i dont want to be embarrassed. i dont know. im a weird. goodbye.

why cant i be good at art.. ya know?

cyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Uh uh you cant tell me nothin,...

2007-12-20T19:51:00.000-05:00

something i may observe at times...

when people are lost in the world there are several categories people fall into...
some wander or search, some look for hope, ask for help or take drastic measures to find their way--or be noticed.
lonliness, being nonsocial and too fearful of expressing yourself are the wanderers. In some form they know what they want but do not know where to go looking for it--Yet they do. They know they will have to ask someone, let someone try and help them, or trust someone to point them in the right direction. They think severely on any topic to then build up the courage and panic. How can something be so hard for one person? The issue of pride comes in. Also trust. How can i let myself confide in this stranger, even if they are nice. It is a risk everyone must take sometime. The dwellers just worry too damn much.
The outgoing people who thrust themselves onto others looking for comfort and someplace to belong are the people who look for hope. The sluts and whores everyone knows are in this category. They are the ones who want love from everyone and everything. They may hardly think or appear not to, but then they are very bright or have some great ideas. Who knows what is right or wrong--everyone is right! or wrong. is something that runs through their head wether they know it or not.
The smart people who can think on their feet and talk their way through their life are the people who ask for help. Many are successful and find their way using anybody they can for information and they learn as they go. They try and help the wanderers. They talk a lot. they make you feel loved. They will also do anything to have control of their lives but learn as everyone does that people dont have much control over what can happen to them but CAN make very important decisions.
And the people who take drastic measures can be people from other categories but mostly are the people who change to get accepted-to get noticed. they dont know who they are--or are totally different around people they dont know. These are the ones who may be in a high state of depression with mood swings and seek a much better life. but get lost. and will do anything for a change. they may be very dark alone but once around people, they will be very joyful thoughtful listening and caring--when really, all they want is someone to care and listen to them and will do anything to get noticed by that one person.

on a less lighter note...i know these people wont read this so heck with it. :D

asta:you have always been my best friend, but i dont know if we will always be... i havent seen you in forever, and when i do, im with other people so i dont want to tell you what i need to. i get that you should hang with brooke n brandy but im jeealous, again as always. so i dont know if we are gonna make it buddy. and that makes me sad.

katie:i think your learning i dont agree with what everyone says and thinks. like i dont agree that people should make stupid things their main priority or fall in love when we are still in highschool. i dont exactly know how you react when those situations come up. i think u think i kinda crazy but im just saying what i feel and i want to ket you know i do care about what people think of me but i wont conform to what they think is normal. i like being different.

courtney reggg:this is probably the most positive one! i feel ive gotten so close to you and im so thankful yerr here! i dont know how else to say that you big ball of fun. i will never forget you (or that kid by your locker LOL) need to hang out more!!

jocelyn:i feel as though ive been trying too hard to be your friend--in the past. like you didnt care enough to let me in or like i had to pass some test to be aloud in. and jenna and emily just get in for free. i dont know what is up but that makes me feel like shit. i know ive been getting closer to you but i dont want to work so hard just to know more popular people are there like that. and ive known you for awhile now and id love to think we are great friends but who am i kidding, all the stuff ive told you, what do i know about you. i want to be there for you i do, but you arent letting me. i dunno if its for my looks if im not fun enough or if people dont like me that much... i dont know. but i do know a couple other people who feel this way too. so all i can say to you is: find out who your real friends are find out who has your back try to be the best you can be and dont stom on people who love you. im not saying tahts me either, i have the best times with you and i am so glad we are friends, im sorry im not who you want me to be. if you even read this.

if i am to die, at least let me fly.
to numb the pain; to walk down that merry lane

^means before i die, let me express myself and enjoy myself, and do what i want just to make it a little better.

I HAD A DREAM I COULD BUY MY WAYTO HEAVEN
WHEN I WOKE I SPENT THAT ON A NECKLACE...

i guess i shouldnt forget where i came from

2 good days in a row?

2007-11-28T23:02:00.000-05:00

so keith, ive been in a good mood...

:) yeah tuesday and wednesday (today) were pretty fly. tuesdays reason was stupid but wednesday i just hung oout with katie, went to school had a normal day but it was just better--prolly case it was sunny jk. i even bombed my poetry presentation (i had to memorize a poem, analyze it and such in front of the class... and i totally forgot everything.)

so my mom is kicking me off the computer--and this was gonna be a good one. well at least she wont read my thoughts like she did last time.. her loss:)

watch out for that freakkkkkkkkkkkkk

2007-11-24T15:39:00.000-05:00

OOK,

happy thanksgiving!! i just went to my aunts in delaware, by c-bus. it was kinda queer cause some people we didnt know were there... but it was nice seein the family again.

just so you know i am typing this without looking at the keybourd, and i dont know how to spell. so its taking me awhile

well i went shizopping friday, it was fun with my gma. i got some boots jeans and shirts, cute ones.

i need to make more friends, i swear. i dont have any :) well i have some you know, but i need more.

i also need to learn how to love people. that s one reason i cant sleep at night'

well i got a job... lol kinda. i clean a lot and i get paid for it. how cool. i always need money, so now i can pay people back ** mike** :) i guess i owe him 4 dollas. it was 3 but he raised the price. oh whatever, he bought me taco bell so we re even.

-000000000----0-0-0-0

nothing new, just little stupid details

2007-11-15T22:35:00.001-05:00

as the title says, nothing important really just little things that i have been thinking about. So here it is:
Son las once menos veinte, tengo media. (translated: "it is 10:40, i have a half hour.")

UNO:
Journalism two might be harder for me. im so pumped but im probably gonna get there and not know what to do at all! i dont know when the deadlines are, who to turn it into, im gonna look like a freakin idiot. but i cannot wait to go, they seem so close and i want to make more friends outside of Word. :)
DOS:
boys are stupid (well the ones i know.) they are mean, cocky, (stuck-up wayy too confident), try too hard and dont care... abd that would be a turn-off for me. whatever, i just want to meet some new ones so we could make the word scene interesting ... lol jk that sounds weird.
TRES:
im not gonna get married. not that i dont want to... its just that i wont find anyone. im totally would not be a good girlfriend or wife. im probably not gonna live that long.. then i wont have to deal with that stuff! lol. i will probably have a panick attack or something :)
CUATRO:
i had a talk with my dad in the car. a 'talk.' see the thing is... i have been lashing out at him a lot lately, him and mom, just getting mad and not able to talk-over THE STUPIDEST REASONS TOO. and i look back and im like what the fuck, why did i just do that?? So i think he mentioned something that triggered somethin in my small brain- i get mad because i dont get what i want and think i deserve it.. then later sean was reading this stupid libra thing (which is me) and it says you think life isnt fair.. And dar was like thats totally you! so i just opened my eyes. and now the hard part, goig to tell dad sorry and he was right...
but andie gave me a good tip, when i get mad just think WHY am i reacting to this question or comment like this? is it really that big of a deal?
so im gonna try to get into my word more...
CINCO:
i didnt think me and andie would work out too good, like adi and dianna. but of course we havent known eachother longer and she isnt a fleg and she talks a lot and... ect. :) but so from recent talks i feel so much closer. especially since she is like, oh dont worry i wont tell your parents. and she has told me about her life in HS and how messed up she was and tells me stuff and i tell her my embaracing stuff... its great to have someone to talk to that you respect and look up to-but isnt your parent, ya know?? like she is one of my great friends!!
SEIS:
Once upon a time there was this girl. she thought a boy was cute. ahe wanted to catch his attention and speak to him in person and not just online... speakin of embarrasin stuff. no one probably made it this far so what the heck i'll just say it :) you can guess-but its not four. and this guy-i do not like- if i can make it any clearer, message to all: I DID NOT LIKE 4, OKAY? I DID NOT STALK HIM, I JUST TALKED TO HIM ONLINE AND THOUGHT HE WAS HOT. YOU TELL ME YOU DONT WALK DOWN THE HALLS AND THINK OH THAT GIRL/GUY WAS HOT, YOUR A FAG OR A LIAR. SO THATS ALL OKAY?- anyways. this guy if like fuckin 6 1/2 feet tall-thats hot- hes blond-;)- and in journalism. well i have only talked to him online too but some times i see him in the hall. WHY AM I EVEN TALKIN BOUT THIS? SO YOU WOULD SHUT UP ABOUT 4. though he will always be hot- i wish everyone would just stop...
SIETE:
grades... so im basically not doing too good. oh well...

so yeah nothin up really... but i will keep you informed. Son las once menos tres. (it is 10:57)
throw ya hood up, hasta luego, buenos noches, hasta lavista, choi....

ehh i got bored of it so i quit

2007-11-09T23:52:00.000-05:00

everyones dream... or nightmare
beginning of VERYYY short story:

PART ONE- drawing the curtains
I'm Cassy, 16, tall blonde and beautiful... people see me as care-free and perfect life. i dont do anything wrong and i have the most beautiful friends.
yeah right
When people see me as perfect... they dont know how wrong they really are. I have a lot of secrets for my time, most of them a little scary. My life goes by like a dream... or a nightmare. It seems i am not in comtrol, well maybe thats because of one f my bad habits. we'll find out in the end. In algebra 5th period, i dont know what we are learning about. I dont day dream or anything. I'm not even in school im at my friends house who lives by the high school-snorting cocaine. I dont know what to do during the day or maybe i dont know what i am doing. But i do know at night i party. and get drunk. I think there has to be more than just this. but i dont know what to do. i have a lot of friends, i do. they arent all into eachother though. so i keep them a secret from eachother. i keep my wierder friends away from my jocks and preps you know-the party people. Its just that i dont even like some of those weirder friends. they all stivk with one group but at the same time are over friendly with people they dont know. i didnt choose to be friends with them either. they are from my church. yeah i know i am ohh soo religious. but i just dont like them interfering with my life, my real life.

PART TWO-the day
"i know people party but every night?" shit i fell asleep again. the whispers and gossip again. the F on my desk again. first period again. school again.
"can i go to the restroom?" i mumbled as the teacher walked past
quick as a flash i was walking down the hallway again.
as soon as i entered the bathroom i checked the stalls to make sure no one was in there, closed the door, and propped a trash can beneath the doorknob so no one could get in.
i looked in the mirror and took a breath, turned to go into my stall and pulled my hair back.

your throut burning isnt the worst part-the taste is. it just makes you want to hack up more. and once you out, wash your hands and face and you feel lighter than air.
i rummaged through my purse for the joint my friend gave me and with no luck, dropped my bag and began to weep.
i woke and realized i was leaning against the bathroom wall-only 5 minutes had passed... oh good.
Why did i just throw up? When? What ever happened to that joint? i didnt want it. i didnt want that taste in my mouth. It was just a flow, a sudden impulse. im so used to doing it my body just behaved naturally.
and i realized i had passed out from no food in my body.
thats what the granola bar is for.
i pulled away the matted hair-drool mixture and dug though my purse again. shoving the little delight in my mouth as i got up and looked in the mirror again.
You know i was looking a little skiniier than last week, im on a role.
Time to go so i flipped my hair back, fluffed it a little, put the trash can back and walked out the door---lie my life is everything i want and more.

As i shut the classroom door behind me, my teach decided to pipe in.
"What took you so long Seniorita Lynn?"
With a litle innocent side-smile i said "Did some lines of cocaine drunk some beer and took a nap, sorry."
She obviousely didnt know what to say but the class got a wave of laughter at that one.
"Go to the office at once Cassy"
"Oh no i was just joking, i had some.. er.. problems..."
She seemed to look embarrased for even asking and at that she said sorry as the class was giglling behind her.
She seemed to end the notes at that

I sat next to Peyton and she handed me a joint.
"you seemed to drop this on your way out"
i turned to her "Oh your a life-saver."
i looked up and there was a girl staring but she quickly looked down.
"So," continued Peyton, flipping back her hair, making the boys behind us smile, "there is this gathering at the river tonight, you in?"
Peyton was said to be more popular than i because of her bigger boobs as more.. ehh... openess with the rest of the world.
"Gathering? You mean party dont you?"
"Whatever.."
"Who is throwing it?"
"Well there is Luke, Max, and Tim who are spreading the word. You know im in when Luke is involved... and of course you can have Max or whoever..."
Another problem i have. Seeing as though Peyton, my best friend, is totally in love with this guy lucas that i have been 'hanging out' with, i do not think im a very good friend.

wAkE mE

2007-11-03T23:32:00.000-04:00

when you read this, go to http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=35471600(sleep everyone by powerspace) is a great soundtrack to this...

With so little sleep At least you'd think I'd find some peace in my dreams In my dreams But my mind still winds up on the same thing The same scene The same themes. Cause it's all stuck in my subconscious Built up from every day. So I'm stuck with these nightmares, Where you're gone and so far away... And when I wake up I realize that everything's still wrong; I'm still here and you're still gone; It's not fair Cause either way I spin it Separation seems so wrong. These breaks are far too long for me... Hours and hours I'm stuck inside this place and this town.
And you're gone.
Far away, you're fighting for your life all alone I want to wake up and go home
Cause it's all stuck in my subconscious Built up from every day So I'm stuck with these nightmares where you're gone and far away.
Oh, this tortures me so much that I get sick and I throw up In my dream and here on my bed It's messed up how it's all in my head;;; Yet it's affecting me oh so bad I guess this distance just makes me sick...
Cause when I wake up It's 4 AM and I'm still all alone, Your message on my phone- Don't tell me that sleeping through the night Is never this hard-when you're home Cause I already know ...
cause it's all stuck in my subconscious Built up from every day...

wake me...
___________________________________________
just so you know... that is now my favorite song. doesn't it totally describe how you feel? i daydream A LOT and when i wake up i realize nothing like that is ever going to happen. It is like, if i even think about it, that possibility is gone. its just never going to happen to me. Like you are waiting at American Eagle with a card that could be worth 500, 25, 10, or 5 dollars and your like if i get 500 i would cry! then of course you dont get 500, you get zero. Or like you think about a boy and your like, i could see us together but when you get to school, he just passes you by without a glance and your like.. oh my life sucks.

_______________________________________
The most fabulous day- was today with katielouise and jocelynrenee; two of the best people ever. the only one missing was reggyyy! well we did go shizzoppin and we had a ball. well first we went into abercrombie & fitch and i love it how we walk in, test the perfume, and just sit there talking... adter a couple minutes we realize we are just standing there and say we arent going to buy anything and walk out. then we go to pacsun try on the shoes then sit on the bench, and j-booty kept shoving her ass on us :) LOL. This weird disney store was next-jocelyn's favorite. Then we go to hollister-my new favorite smell-and we each got something. the alarom went off when katie was contemplating on wether or not to buy some shorts, so i turn around and am like KATIE?!? and jocelyn is like SHE COULDNT AFFORD THE SHORTS!! but then she walks up and we start crackin up like a hard boiled egg!!! a BLAST
__________________________________
KTG came to word! and it was fabulous even though she had to leave early. funny story, we were just sitting at a round table and jordan comes up and sits down and we start talking-all 3 of us. it was cool and in the end he found i suck at spanish-failed his little test- and i have not been turning in my HW but i STILL have an A in that class, he was surprised :). he also made the bball team and he's like are you gonna come to our games. and im all who made it? and hes all hmm rory and- and thats when im all OK. LOL. im stupid.
_________________________________
So all in all... i had a great time saturday-november 3rd- without b, mike, and kyle and whoever else went to cbus; here. P.S. MIKE SAID HE WOULD CALL AND TELL ME HOW COLUMBUS IS.. I really hope a couple of things for my future... A) me and jordan can make a kick-ass team B)Katie will start comming regularly. C) reggy will some 2 Word too. D) i can make some more freakin funky friends. E) basketball team will be settled and Teal Titans will rule once again F)4.. always hope :D

_______________________________
MORE TO COME... questions comments? call me 330-285-2277, i like getting calls. you would make my day, unless someone else does before you...

AYYEHMM IZZOUTT

in my head//always

2007-10-29T22:18:00.000-04:00

a realization has come over me that comes every now and then just making me more and more miserable. as i look at the pretty girls with the boyfriends i realize i will never ever be like that. i never said i didnt want to, its just that those girls in our school are beautiful and athletic and good at everything... while i am here. i have acne and not a good posture. i am easily distracted and not good at anything. i am a lot fatter than those girls and the pritties look down on me. every one in that high school has had a boyfriend, i can garantee you that. I have not had one yet. no one has asked. well one has asked but hes gone now. i just dont see a reason for even trying anymore-to jut get that one look from that one boy or a 'hey' from a pretty girl. i dont see why some of them cant give me a chance. except the answer is always there, i am ugly.

i have always known that i have never measured up to anele, adi, or asta all my life. so i tried to get noticed in many other ways. one being mean so people would think im a hard ass and maybe be cool. i alo have tried to impress a lot of people by acting differently. it worked-at the time but those friends didnt stay there forever. once they were done with me they would float on to someone prettier or a boy. after awhile they stop hanging out with you, only a hello in the halls, then a smile, then u pass as complete strangers... yeah i know. name anyone in grade nine at SMFHS and 5 out of a 10 that they were once my friend. some are even nerdy like me... but they have boyfriends too and a lot more friends thn me. its too late to change cliques for me... it was too late in th grade when i cam here. i was never in one, and i am used to people hating me. i know that there will always be asta, but where is she now? she is not here. and katie? she has other friends. jocelyn robably hangs out with me because no one else is free. and sarah has become popular once again.

i dont know what to do with myself. i dont even know how to make anymore friends. i an in need of something to cool me down. i dont know what to do with myself. i know im not good enough and i never will be.. so why try? all i want is for people to like me. but i realize i am very boring. i dont know what to do. i cant except compliments anymore. if i get any. they are all lies. i try to act on top but i dont know what to do. i dont know where to go.. i dont kow if i can live. im just here. not living. trying but nothing is happening. i'll take anything. but i dont know what to do...

Pre-review for the stohion...

2007-10-26T18:02:00.000-04:00

If you go to SMFHS, read this!

As some of you know, the student run school newspaper, the Stohion, is facing an issue that breaks our rights as people and ruins the integrity of the newspaper. Dr. Jones, the Superintendent, and Mr. Bailey are wanting the Stohion to have pre-review before the issue is distributed. Why? Everyone has an answer in their heads, Dr. Jones was taken aback by an editorial in the september issue. The editorial was on a Board Of Education meeting. I think the end of this article basically sums it up: 'Without community involvement, it appears that the BOE (board of education) will continue to award those in favor and ignore what is the most important-the students.'
So, if you were a board member and reading this how would you take it? Maybe you could get a clue what is going on and what the community wants. Well, when the board was asked, they did not know about the whole pre-review hing. So the houghts of the bord enforcing this were immediatly crossed off. So as th staff of the stohion found out, the only two people who know are Dr. Jones and Mr. Bailey. Following this new information, the class scheduled a meeting with both, Mr. Bailey on Thursday, and Dr. Jones on Friday.
As i have heard from the meeting Thursday, the journalism class advisor told journalism 1 Mr. Bailey didnt really know what an editorial was. It is an article that is someones opinion backed by fact. The staff acted very proffessional this meeting though, as you can imagine, most were probably very upset. Mr. Bailey is sure he will win this, but as he does not know, it is completely illegal. And even to reassure students, he said that he would only spend 5 mintes looking over their paper. This did not get the reaction he wanted obviousely. The students, of course, do not want the pre-review, but if they had to get the paper pre-reviewed, Mr. Bailey would have to take a long time looking at ever period, comma, spell check, fact and quote. mr. Bailey probably does not know what he is in for because once he ofund that the school will be held for any libel or incorrect quote-or any mistake. He said he didnt want to do that either.
The next meeting with Dr. Jones started out with twizzlers he brought to maybe warm our hearts? Well most questions asked theri did not get answered. In fact, if anything, he dogded most of the hard ones. He started with a biography about himself for 10 minutes wasting time about him being a teacher and something else that no one really cared for their. the editor-in-chief remained very proffessional through getting inturrupted and having to ask multiple questions over again. Some important questions asked were: If the two controversal articles were not in the paper, woul dyou still want pre-review? of course he said he didnt know. News is supposed to be controvesial, so why do you have problems with these articles now? he responded that he loves controversy... ok? Have you told any other schools to pre-review their papers like ours? his response? not too clear. In this meeting, someone said something about this being a big deal. He said its not a big deal is it? and the staff reacted with talking over one another and one girl spoke up saying somthing like 'yes it is a big deal to us. this is our paper.'
If the issue gets any bigger, lawyers for this kind of mess will take it national. Students say they are planning to call in news stations too. The sad thing is, if they ask to pre-review it, the staff must let them have it. but if they do, whoever asks will be breaking a law and they ill get into trouble. And half of the staff hopes it to be that way...

2007-10-25T15:27:00.000-04:00

"what would the music be without sound? Young Boss, Miss Trina, PitbullLet's show them how we keep downI party like a rockstarLook like a movie starPlay like an all starFuck like a pornstarBaby I'm a superstarAlways posted at the barAlways with couple bossMaybe I'm just that that rawDawg check your resumeI hit something everydayAsk about me n' dey sayThat chico run MIAPitbull and young bossThat’s fireGo girl work it out‘til u tireJust tryin’ to pay your tuitionLiarMy corner is like HBO's wireSo please don't play no gamesAnd baby don't say no namesAnd we can do this one more againNext time you can bring your friendsSo get your friendsAnd I get my friendsAnd we can be friendsdo this every weekend[pre-hook]we can hit your placewe can hit my placeshe’s on my top 8I bagged her off of myspace[Chorus:]Go girl, go girl, go girl, go girlGo girl, go girl, go girl, go girlShake them dice and roll themShake them dice and roll themWhen they ask u whats that danceU say that’s the hustle manYoung Boss:Girl I wanna know your nameGirl who u be?Don’t care with who you cameAs long as u leave wit' meWhat’s you sippin’ on?I buy you a drinkGet u one of them shiny thingsYer Girl pick pinkI see those Jimmy Choos[ Go Girl lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]Those Vera WangsI luv the way u workGirl do your thingu see my stunna shadesI’m like a starMy click is full of ballasWe at the barSo go get your friendsAnd I get my friendsAnd we can be friendsdo this every weekend[Pre hook:]we can hit your placewe can hit my placeshe’s on my top 8I bagged her off of myspace[Chorus:]Go girl, go girl, go girl, go girlGo girl, go girl, go girl, go girlShake them dice and roll themShake them dice and roll themWhen they ask u whats that danceU say that’s the hustle manTrina:Diamond princessI make them bus quickMan I back it upLike a Mack Truck(heavy breathing)Don’t talk about it boyBe about it boyI got them girls boyTurn out your girls boyI'm talking freak nigI’m like a freaky shitCoz you're my freak ___So get your friendsAnd I get my friendsAnd we can be friendsdo this every weekend[pre-hook:]we can hit your placewe can hit my place she’s on my top 8 I bagged her off of myspace [Chorus:]Go girl, go girl, go girl, go girl Go girl, go girl, go girl, go girl Shake them dice and roll them Shake them dice and roll them When they ask u whats that dance U say that’s the hustle man"

So. Word halloween party Saturday. Yeah not too exited. courtney isnt going. and none of my other friends are.
But that is okay i guess. i just gootttaa find someone new. the lord will show me.

soo i got invited to a party satuday, and im not going cause of word so dont freak out. it sounded reall cool. well not really but it sounded hot so im disappointed. (dont even ask what thats supposed to mean.) Well i dont even know the kid thats inviting me so im not gonna go. if i knew him i would go. but why i would go? cause its at a certain four's house :) just a hot guy.. haha yeah right i know..

Well i dont know if im still going to go dressed up to the halloween party. maybe i'll just take of my wings early. thats gonna hurt... haha joke. well i am gonna go now. shorty short one

ehh i got bored of it so i quit

2007-10-24T21:34:00.000-04:00

everyones dream... or nightmare

beginning of VERYYY short story:

PART ONE- drawing the curtains
I'm Cassy, 16, tall blonde and beautiful... people see me as care-free and perfect life. i dont do anything wrong and i have the most beautiful friends.
yeah right
When people see me as perfect... they dont know how wrong they really are. I have a lot of secrets for my time, most of them a little scary. My life goes by like a dream... or a nightmare. It seems i am not in comtrol, well maybe thats because of one f my bad habits. we'll find out in the end.

In algebra 5th period, i dont know what we are learning about. I dont day dream or anything. I'm not even in school im at my friends house who lives by the high school-snorting cocaine. I dont know what to do during the day or maybe i dont know what i am doing. But i do know at night i party. and get drunk. I think there has to be more than just this. but i dont know what to do.

i have a lot of friends, i do. they arent all into eachother though. so i keep them a secret from eachother. i keep my wierder friends away from my jocks and preps you know-the party people.

Its just that i dont even like some of those weirder friends. they all stivk with one group but at the same time are over friendly with people they dont know. i didnt choose to be friends with them either. they are from my church. yeah i know i am ohh soo religious. but i just dont like them interfering with my life, my real life.

PART TWO-the day
"i know people party but everynight?"
shit i fell asleep again. the whispers and gossip again. the F on my desk again. first period again. school again.

halloween(:

2007-10-15T18:52:00.000-04:00

so i am totally going as the angel of death to that halloween party at aneles! i wasnt too thrilled but now that i have wings... i am!!! yes i have BIG black wings. ok i am wayy too excited about this party. well katie will be the devil and i will be peyton the angel. here im gonna explain it to yaa::
-black wings
-strapless ripped up black flowyy dress
-chunky boots
-i need big black necklace and earrings.
-and i want black extensions...
-GONNA ME SWEEET.

im gonna be totally goth and shiit. but yeah so cool.

sorry

2007-10-14T16:59:00.000-04:00

about that dowen therr. i was really pissed. well i had a weird weekend.
FRIDAY:
-so exited about the game
-mom adi jeff and dad left from our house to DMT
-ciute came
-pizza hut
-GAME
-free arabica food
ended the night hating people

SATURDAY:
-babysitting with asta
*fun with asta
*megan pooped in the hallway :D sorry but it was really funny
*i hate that dog
-mcdonalds :( too much fast food
-ciutes hous
-missed CT
-out to dinner
-blades of glory

SUNDAY:
-mom adi anddad home
-out to brunchfast.
-come home.
-now.. im here.
-going to a bonfire with katie later

MONDAY:
yet to be written

so i guess it wasnt too weird. but i was REALLyY mad at bianka friday. well not bianka. more like Alex, Jordan, Aaron and whatever bitch was hanging with them.

and yeah that hot chocolate wasnt good on the stomach.

have you ever wanted to start over?

2007-10-12T23:17:00.000-04:00

...with people i mean. not like oh that was a bad intro more like i knew this person and now i wish i never met them. yes i have a few. one i will not say his name cause some of you know him, we will just call him Y. Y was one of my fucking best friends for awhile. but guess what. he is pretty and doesnt like girls with acne and.. never mind taht would prolly give it away. i really fucking dont like him right now. he takes my friend AGAIN. so i guess im not going to be friend with bianka anymore cause any time i am around her i am either mad, left out, not good enough, not pretty enough, but mostly jealous. sso Y takes her away for the last time, and thats the last straw-for both of them. then there is alex. i dont really know him anymore but he basically make me feel the same way. so i wish i never met that kid and my life would be a lot better. but i did meet both of them, and bianka so my life sucks a little more case of them.

like it doesnt SUCK. i like it its just that it isnt as good as it could be because i met them. so i just wish i had the friends i have now, some other people i would like to be friends with -(H, K, A, S, R, M, A...) just because they look fun- and it would be perfect. but its not gonna happen. so im cool with it.

My version: I saw your face, the one you made when you walked by. You should feel ashamed.
Jack's Mannequin's version: I read your letter, the one you left when you broke into my house. I'm retracing every step you made.

yeah i like theirs better too.

CAPS=HAPPY

2007-10-08T17:21:00.000-04:00

CAPS LOCK=HAPPY
HAPPY=I ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING
I ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING=COULD BE ANYTHING...

WELL IT ISNT JUST ANYTHING. ITS A COUPLE OF THINGS. NOT ALL ARE GOOD, ONE IS WEIRD, AND ANOTHER IS A SURPRISE TO ME...

-I HAPPEN TO TURN IN THIS ONE THING BUT MY HISTORY TEACHER LOST IT SO SHE ISNT COUNTING IT SO I WAS GETTING A C. BUT THEN I RAISED MY GRADE TO A B SOME HOW. (OK REALLY BORING)
-I TALKED TO THREE GUYS I DIDNT KNOW YESTURDAY. (THIS IS THE WEIRD ONE) IT ISNT A BIG DEAL TO ME ITS JUST THAT LIKE WTF?? I DONT KNOW SORRY...
-ASTA IS BACKK!
-I HAVE MORE FRIENDS THAN I THOUGHT
-I 'TALKED' TO SOME ONE HOT! HAHA YOU SHOULD KNOW WHO THAT IS :))

SO THAT LAST ONE MADE ME HAPPY EEN THOUGH IT WASNT THAT LONG OF A CONVERSATION ND IT WAS ON MYSPCE. SO WELL IF YOU KNOW ME... I'D SAY IM PRETTY COOL AFTER ALL.

OHH-OH-OH-OH-OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO THIS FRIDAY IS GONNA BE THE SHIIT. ME CHICA BIANKA IS COMMING TO STOW VS. NORDONIA EL FUTBOL NOTEAMERICANO GAME! SO WE WILL PROBABLY HANG OUT BEFORE OR AFTER OR BOTH! YAYYYYY I HAVENT SEEN ME AMIGA B IN FOREVER!!
I KINDA JUST WANT IT TO BE ME AND HER THOUGH AND NOT ME AMIGA ASTA. IT IS OBVIOUS THAT EVERYONE LIKES ASTA BETTER SO IM JUST LIKE: SHE IS GONNA STEAL HER! PROBABLY AGAIN. JUST LIKE MALlORY. ITS Not HER FAuLT. BUT I GUess THAT is JUST selFISH.... so i will probably invite err anywy. im becomming sad again... hold on lemme think of something

OH RIGHT OF COURSE! YOU SHOULDAA GUESSED IT. IT STARTS WITH AN F!!!
HOLD ON THAT SOUND WEIRD.
MAYBE STARTS WITH A K AND ENDS WITH A YLE.
NOT KYLE MCCALLUM. OH WHATEVER IGNORE ME...

HOW BOUT IT FOR THEM INDIANS??

2007-10-06T15:49:00.000-04:00

SO CLOSE GAME.
TOO BAD I WAS BABYSITTING.
DANG LIL KIDS... JUST KIDDING.

SO TONIGHT I DONT KNOW WHAT WE DOING FOR WORD BUT IM GOIN TO KATIE'S! ITS GONNA BE SWEET. I HAVENT SEEN JOCELYN IN AWHILE SO WE'RE GONNA HAVE A LOT TO TALK BOUT.
SO WRITE NOW IM TRYING TO FIND A GOOD SONG FOR MY MYSPACE. IM ON WAYY TOO MUCH. WELL IM LOOKIN AT MIMS RIGHT NOW. I LIKE THE INTRO TO LIKE THIS. ITS KINDA STEP UP-ISH. "THIS IS WHY IM HOT, GOT IT ON HER PHONE" HAHA ITS A GOOD ONE I THINK I'LL TAKE IT. OH WAIT NO; MAYBE T.I.! YEAH I LIKE THAT HURT SONG. AWW WHAT YOU KNOW, ITS A GREAT SONG. I HAD IT A LONGGGG TIME AGO. THATS WHEN I FELL IN LOVE...
WITH T.I. :)

O.K. YEAH THAT WAS MY MUSIC COMMENTARY FOR THE TIME.
BE BACK Y'ALL

damn

2007-10-04T21:49:00.001-04:00

I dont know but boys are really annoying. like a couple days ago they would NOT stop bothering me and im just like smile and laugh cause what else can i do? if i act like jordan then they will fucking make fun of me. i was trying to explain to someone that i would rather be with my girl-friends than the others. and i really want to get back together with like Tyler and some other guy friends cause they were really mature compared to other people! and i kinda do miss them...
Anyways.. my night with katie & Jocelyn saturday is going to be so fun!

and i have a plan... its called operation#4
part A: run into #4 when i see him someday and say "oh hey... sorry"
part B: walk with shelly and when she says hi i say hi because SHE KNOWS HIM and I HATE HERR!!!! lol, i love shell bell.

Home Coming

2007-10-02T15:35:00.000-04:00

home coming was great with jocelyn and katie. that was the only good part- jocelyn and katie. well adi said somethhin real nice tht made my day:). but next time i am definitley going with all girls. like all girls as in katie, jocelyn, asta, courtney, and sarah. they will prolly get dates but no use for guys (except number 4).
yeah next time i will dance more, because i will be going with my friends. i did dance with katie but it was akward cause she was with M and in the center of everything. i dont like the sweaty-ness. haha good thing for clinical strength deoderent! well i am so wearing heels next years. maybe. well i cnnnot wait for asta to go :D

BIRTHDAY

2007-09-25T21:08:00.000-04:00

sorry i haven't been blogging lately. busy with school and shits. well. i am such a spoiled bitch. do u know wht i got for b-day? i will tell you!

iPod video!!!!
1,2,3 seasons of ONE TREE HILL!!!!!!!!!!!
lotssa money (imm gonna use some to buy OTH4 on iTunes!!)
clothes
giftcards
giftcards to clothes stores
books
photo book
cds
sweatshirts :) sooo cute
candy!
more candy (all gone by now) srryyy

and prolly more....

soo you see. how am i supposed to live with soo nice of friends and famiy :D.

i want home coming to be over with already. but i cant wait to go with KAtie. and i really am looking forward to getting ready with the word gals. poor courtney :( cant go. so. (KATIE JUST SO YA KNOW REMEMBER 2 THINGS: 1. BRING SPARKELING GRAPE JUICE OR SOMETHIN BEFORE HAND AND 2. GIRLS ARE MEETING AT ANELE'S EARLIER THAN DINNER TO GET READY, SO IF YOU WANT IT WILL TOTALLY BE SUPAA FUN!)

B. not b, b. Bianka b. (i have called her b longer than i have bryan.) ii am kinda talkin to her and it is so great! i miss her tons :(. her & Mal. losing 2 best friends... *sigh*. well i dont know what im gonna do with myself b4 the nordonia game. i know i will be clinging to her while im there :) she will just have to live with that ;).

i like my beat down low and my top let back see me ride 24... and thats the way it is.

the best birthday ever....

2007-09-16T20:44:00.000-04:00

was today... and yesturday! sarah courtney and katie are some hilarious girls and i had SO much fun!!!!
i love them all and cannot wait to hang out again!!!!!

i got some cool shit ;) cant wait for my REAL birthday sunday...

grrr

2007-09-11T15:28:00.000-04:00

i do not like this idea of going as a group to home coming but splitting of into pairs as just friends. whatever. if b wants to go he can go, in our group. but I am going with MY friend chelsea and hopefully katie will go too. but i just think it would be better to go with friends-girl friends. (: thats it.

"that wont kill me, it will only make me stronger"

2007-09-09T10:08:00.001-04:00

"Work it harder make it better, do it faster makes us stronger,more than ever, never over,Our work here is never over"
damn i love that song, you should check itt (Kanye West-Stronger)

anyway. i think i made a mistake and i feel really bad. i dont know what to do :( i just know i messed up. "Dont act like i never told ya"

sooo the baptisms are off :( sucks ass. because of the stupid weather. i feel bad for anele and chloe, they were so excited.
:*(

bbl.

if you read all of this your my hero...

2007-09-08T11:03:00.000-04:00

"picture perfect turned to worthless.
bittersweet the taste is like ash in my mouth.
love we had it you're a bad habit I'm ready to give you up i give up.
silly me for thinking honesty is something given free.
i make the rules and this is how it ends.
heartbreak baby is half the fun
you bring the bullets i'll bring the guns
take ten steps now turn and drawi shoot from the hip then watch you fall
heartbreak baby is half the fun
you bring the bullets i'll bring the guns
take ten steps now turn and drawi shoot from the hip then watch you fall
scenes of passion never lasted
your mistakes are too much to put behind
i am tired with no desire to put together things that just fall apart silly me for thinking honesty is something given free
i make the rules and this is how it ends
heartbreak baby is half the fun
you bring the bullets i'll bring the guns
take ten steps now turn and draw
i shoot from the hip then watch you fall
heartbreak baby is half the fun
you bring the bullets i'll bring the gunstake ten steps now turn and draw
i shoot from the hip then watch you fall
then watch you fall
silly me for thinking honesty is something given free
i make the rules and this is how it ends
heartbreak baby is half the funyou bring the bullets i'll bring the guns
take ten steps now turn and draw
i shoot from the hip then watch you fall
heartbreak baby is half the fun
you bring the bullets i'll bring the guns
take ten steps now turn and draw
i shoot from the hip then watch you fall"
-shoot from the hip-
a change of pace

Heartbreak baby is half the fun

2007-09-08T00:39:00.000-04:00

i got the dress. i dont want to go.
why do people even have to go and get dates. its so stupid. i hate everything about it.
or how bout why cant there be someone that i like. that likes me.

"you make me smile please stay for awhile....
what am i gonna say when you make me feel this way...."
(bubbly-colby caillat)

"Picture perfect, Turned to worthless, Bittersweet, the taste is like ash in my mouth. Love we had it. You're a bad habit, I'm ready to give you up. I give up.
Silly me for thinking honesty is somethingGiven free, I make the rules. And this is how it is"
a change of pace

"take care of you and i will take of me were just lonely hearts looking for melody..." a change of pace

school is cool...

2007-09-05T15:25:00.000-04:00

it really is! the periods are shorter so i am like saweeeet. the only bad thing is the friggin frigger amount of stuff we have to carry. :((( now i have to go make a philosophy society flyer!!!!! but i dont know what room and when we are meating.. hmm so if u people know, tell meeee :))

ok soooo Lori (Deloris) used to come to Word!!! and now, she is in my class!!!! and wants to come again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think the Lord is saying something! sooo please be praying for her!

TOMARRO IS DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO HOOO!! 6-6:45
... it will bw interesting because right after i go to home church, gonna be a great teaching i bet, in my tights and leotard and shittt... so dont make fun of mee...

later at 8 is prayer. WTF, why freacking 8?/???????????? i dont like it >( i guess i will just take a shower at 7-7:30, yes people thats right i shower at night cause i am too freggin lazy in the mornin :). ok ...

yeah i am gonna change out of this skirt (not the right day for it) and start on the flyer....

more pics i made:DD

2007-09-03T17:54:00.000-04:00

astaa!!!! it is an aim icon :)

just in case you have not seen my mad skill

i spelled hilarie wrong :(

favorite actress.. ever, Keira Knightly

sophia!! amazin, well i really like this picture of her but not the one i made below... so whatever.

yeah blahh ugly, well shes not, just the way i did it.

hayden is basically amazin, no more to say....

whoopi crap

2007-09-03T16:17:00.000-04:00

ssoo ttooddaayy ii jjuusstt ggoott bbaacckk ffrroomm llaabboorr ddaayy ccaammppiinngg wwiitthh mmyy cchhuurrcchh.. i am really kind of tired but, yeah. camping was reallyy fun. just like every year. Florida and Labor day, best vacations ever. well, you see, i bought a 12 pack of gatorade, and i think someone threw it away. well, i drank 8, then becky took one, mike took one then took the other 2 by his tent, then they disapeared. i was mad. but mike did say he was gonna buy me two more :) yayyyy. i got 50 million bug bites, and poison ivy all over. then when we were playing CTF, Kyle freakin ran right into me and i freakin twisted my ankle back. and i ate too much sugar its not funny and i cannot wait to get my hair cut!

i guess jocelyn got a date to homecoming. i dont think im gonna get one. im hoping for a certain one (or 2 but the other is a friend) but i dont think he will ask me. you know how it goes, you are hoping but it never happens. dianna said she would take me... just kidding. jocelyn probably has a date, adi probably will anele will too, katie will probably meat someone, shelly and chloe will, even asta might get freakin' asked! and i will be alone :( i just wanna go see what it is like- yeah right, i want to dress up!!!

i have so much to be thankful for so i should shut-up. camping was great! the wordites are so cool! i have a great family, a best friend, a katie, other friends, a great party comming up, the family of God, GOD, doggy and kitty (oh yeah our hamster died today, YES another thing to be thankful for, no i will miss her, but ''for real''.) you, i have good teachers, just God gave me so much :D!

VACATION

2007-08-31T16:47:00.001-04:00

c ya tuesday!!!

first day...

2007-08-28T15:33:00.000-04:00

first day and i have homework. algebra is easy though. but i have to study a spanish ws. for a quiz. well i am pretty pooped. so byebye.

highschool.

2007-08-27T17:08:00.000-04:00

so today is the last day of summer.
tomarro i will be grown up
i dont wanna grow up
i like being a kid.

today is lasting forever, i just wanna get tomarro over with. i dont know what it is going to be like. i dont know what to do when i walk in, and i have no idea where to sit, pathetic, yeah i know. but lunch is gonna be busy, and scary. o jeeze. if anyone has lunch 10, tell mee cause then imma cling to you.
im scared.

goodbye, i am gonna die.

"if you care."

2007-08-27T01:09:00.000-04:00

so. it is 1:10. i canot get to sleep, my head is bleeding, my friends 'forgot' to invite me to watch a movie, well my sister doesnt want me there, i just think they dont like a little freshman around, which is cool with me. i just want to find my own friends for once. not the kind that dont talk to you after a fun night, or the kind that dont talk to you at all. i want someo one who when i see them, we start talking right away and can go on and on-and i want someone who when i ask them a question they will want to listen to me too. i want to find these kinds of friends in Word. but it is hard. i feel as though i am trying to get to know them and some of them, dont care. J and B and sometimes T i really like talking to, and they are my friends. but like the one i have known the longest just seems like a little freshman cannot be their friend. i just want them to know me, not what everybody thinks i am, like a whiny, lazy, bossy, angry, judgmental bitch. i know i am those things, but thats not ME.

poems under my bed...

2007-08-26T13:25:00.000-04:00

i got an idea, maybe i should put some poems up here. then i remembered, i ripped them all up and threw them in the trash. so i found one of my older poem books... they are soo not good.

1.
i was convinced for a minute there that i was beautiful
until you walked by and i didnt catch your eye.

2.
ha ha ha
why i laugh
no one knowa
i like the sound
i like the feeling
its the only thing that keeps me going
but when i laugh with you
its even better
the world freezes and we laugh together

3.
to love is something
to be loved is everything

4.
the clock is ticking by
oh my
im waiting for the chance i get to see you
and its just to say hi

5.
no one knows who they are
and if they broke someone elses heart

soo, they all suck, and they all are weird, but i am NOT like that anymore. that is how i was. yeah, loser... right?
once i find my better ones i will put then up too :D

"All around me are familiar faces-worn out places, worn out faces"

2007-08-25T14:15:00.000-04:00

___so today is august 25th. today means several different things to me. today, the 25th ia a saturday. saturday is CT. saturdays are when i need the Lord to bring outreach to me, to ct. saturday is always a good day, but when its over it is sunday. saturday is a time of joy. saturday is when you can get work done with taking your time. saturday is fun.
__august 25th a year ago was the first day of 8th grade, the first day of the last year that i could be a kid, withought many responsibilities. the first day that ruined an almost perfect summer. the first day i realized blowout camp is never comming again. the first day of the last year at the stink-hole kimpton. the first day of a great school year.
___august 25th is the last saturday before the big highschool. in a week from august twenty-fifth, i will be in a tent with my very best friend. in a week i was planning to explore east harbor... at night. in one week from saturday, august 25th, i will be in highschool, i will know all my classes and teachers, i will know what to expect... but in one week, i will be stressed and tired from highschool.
and if you are still here. august 25th is someones birthday. he used to be my friend, he used to be cool. but what ever happened. i dont know. i can just say, hes not here anymore, and we all loed him.

happy birthday alex

hilarie burton

2007-08-25T11:56:00.000-04:00

so i made these, yeah skill huh? well katie gave me this paint shop thing and i am in love with it :). i can do anything with is. these pictures are of hilarie burton, another thing i love. she is peyton on my favorite show, one tree hill. p.sawyer is my favorite, for ever and ever. my favortie picture is the 2nd one down (green). pretty cool, right? well hilarie burton was on mtv's trl. she has a kinda southern accent in real life, but on OTH she covers it up. she is extremely hilarious and so is her co-star, sophia bush. now katie, she likes brooke more (sophia) but no-one on that show can beat peyton elizabeth sawyer, the struggling artist. :)

9thgrade

2007-08-24T17:47:00.000-04:00

so9thgradeisgonnabereallyinteresting. i bet you didnt get that. well i tried to see where all my rooms were. it was interesting, all i now is that for 1 or 2 classes, i willl be chuggin it. no, not as bad as my friends:) i feel sorry for then. anywaysss... here is my schedule. if you know anything about the teachers, do tell, because... i just gotta know ;)

1. american history (218) brewer
2. english cp (138) tichnell (?)
3. spanish1 (103) jurmanovich
4-5. study hall (art room)
6-7. science (150) gardner
8-9. journalism (110) donaldson
10. LUNCH!
11. algebra (209) marschik
12. microsoft applications (TECH) murray
END OF THE DAY :DDDDDD

soooo, i normally dont like school-at all. i hope this year will be interesting, and different. i heard from adi-da that my history class is really easy. that is very gooood for me because i suck at that kinda stuff. the algebra is a piece of cake. i cannot wait for journalism and microsoft applications. believe it or not, i love writting. not too gooood with the whole spelling issue though. i think the only class i will have trouble with is spanish... definitly. but i will do best in lunch-yumm (no algebra.) believe it or not, i love it, it is reeeaaallllyyyyyy easy. i hope i can remember everything i learned though.
i have trouble remembering things. i cannot remember anything from 8th grade, except perhaps the last few days of school, and when mr. miller got mad and threw a pencil at veronica. (my fault :[ ) from 7th grade i remember mrs. ellis and mrs. b...b...b... never mind, i dont remember her. in 6th grade i just remember the first day of school, and in 5th the day the guy i liked called me pretty (wtf right?).
soo, i guess i remember a little bit more than i thought ;). but i dont remember anything i learned, taht is my point.
...which is amazing because i had ms. walker as a teacher (that little devil.) worst person ever but a great teacher. she got me from a D to a B+!!! haha that was really funny.
ok, so i am excited for school, but if i get lost, dont make fun of me.

:DDDD

1:20am

2007-08-24T01:12:00.000-04:00

goin to bed... again

homechurch/orentation

2007-08-24T01:04:00.000-04:00

katie came to home church :)))))))))
i am soo happyyyyy.....
the teaching was pretty good. b's part was funny, so was joe. it got me thinking about the end of the world. i mean yeah i do think about it constantly but i didnt know some of the stuff they taught on. i didnt even know what the tower of bable was for!!

i cant sleep. it is 1:07am. orientation is at 9:00am. i am tooooooooo excited!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

birthday

2007-08-23T12:21:00.001-04:00

September 23rd. whoever reads this shall bring me 1 gift :) hopefully.

myspace addict

2007-08-23T12:12:00.000-04:00

oh myspace, myspace. i love it sure, but there is just one problem- I AM ALWAYS ON! i go on the computer its there, i say i will be on for a couple minutes, an hour passes, i dont know whats so good about it anyway. i can keep in touch with old friends i guess. but i just cant stop. oh yeah yeah i have tried. but it doesnt work, i will become a fat lazy bum if i am on any more!!!

i DO want to learn how to make layouts though. katie (g) is a genius with those kinds of things. i have been trying to teach myself but i am not quite there yet.

Homechurch is tonight. our last oone before the new year... oh man. i dont want school to start! ug so boring. ast least i get to see friends. i love my friends :). even though some are pretty messed up, i cant say that i am not messed up.
highschool better be good. well i am hoping it is.
well maybe its better than myspace.

-elli marie-

Wedsnesday

2007-08-22T03:20:00.000-04:00

i missed prayer, that sucked ass, i am soo sad.
but i saw lion king at playhouse square!!
the coolest play everrrrrrr
my cat could totally make that play though. he is sooo cute! what would i do without him?????

prayer probably kicked butt.

so me n asta are having a rad partay at splah lagoon, it will be sweet. i hope my peeps and her peeps all can make it. i dont know, mine seemed pretty excited.
asta was a little iffy about inviting lets call her B. B has a sister that gets a long fine with J but when B comes in it is like hell. so asta was gunna invite J and B's sister. she just didnt want B to release her fury. but i got my people settled. K, J, C, and S. they are some of the hottest chicks out there people. haha.

i dont want school to start... poop. but its gunna have to for my party.. ;)